Things to Learn

Saturdays have been full of projects lately and it's been great to get things checked off my To Do list before the baby comes in just over a month!  This last Saturday afternoon was dedicated to projects and the boys were our little helpers.  Brett was in the basement fixing our internet and I was up in the boys room mounting a bookshelf.  Hyrum was going back and forth between Brett and I.  For a while Hyrum left me and it was just Noah and I.  Noah and I had some great bonding time and after the bookcase was hung I read to him several of the books that I was attempting to organize.  Things seemed to be pretty quiet downstairs, but I could hear Brett talking to Hyrum on the main floor so we ventured to see what they were up to.  I came to find out that Brett thought  Hyrum was with me and I thought he was with Brett, but he was in fact getting acquainted with some of my quilting things by himself.   He had watched me use my rotary blade tool that morning.  I had told him very sternly that morning that they were not aloud to touch it because it was very dangerous, and that is why we kept it behind a locked door.  However, with Brett working on the internet the door was open and he quietly went in and was trying to help me cut out the fabric I hadn't finished cutting out that morning.  He cut his finger.  He was bleeding.  He snuck upstairs without us knowing any of this was going on, and wrapped his finger in some toilet paper and a paper towel, and then hid under the kitchen table.  We don't know how long he was under there when Brett found him hiding.  He was acting very ashamed and told Brett that he was hiding because he didn't want us to know he got hurt using my tool.  I'm sure you can imagine the long talk we had with him right then and have had with him a few times since.  It made me heartbroken to think of him hiding under the table, hurt, and ashamed and afraid to talk to us.  I hope he never feels that way again.  Over the past few days I've thought about this incidence over and over again.  It's incredible how it takes a child to help us see our own inadequacies.  I can't help but imagine myself in Hyrum's position at various points in my life.  I thought I knew better.  I thought the warnings or the rules were not for me, or that I didn't need them.  I thought the results would be different.  No matter what the reason may have been, the warnings were there, and they were ignored.  That's when I hide, feel ashamed, hope no one finds out, and cover my tracks.  How heartbreaking it must be for my Father in Heaven to see his child like this.  He would want me to come and get help; feel sorrow and admit my fault, but then allow him to hold me and make me feel better.  Why is it so hard for us to see ourselves as being no different from a small child with a cut hiding under a table.  Standing back we see how ridiculous it is for us to deny our mistakes and shortcomings when someone is there to help and comfort us.  The healing power of the Atonement is a beautiful thing available to all of us, but we must be willing to get out from under the table and face the hurt.  I love my little boys so much and hope that they never feel when they have done wrong or are hurt that they must face it alone.  My arms are always open for my boys and I know that my God's arms are open to us all.