Dear Boys,
On this blog I record the moments and experiences in our lives that I want to remember forever. Most of what you see is our happy mormon life. Our life is wonderful and blessed, but I often choose to not remember the harder times and the struggles, because I know they will pass. These tough moments are not often recorded, but I don't want you to look back at this 'perfect life' and have false ideas of your future. I know you will not be reading this for many years, but I wanted to write this while my memory is still somewhat fresh. Someday you will become madly in love with a sweet young woman who may seem perfect. I'll talk to you about precautions you should take while wearing 'love goggles' later, but for now lets talk about after you're married and the honeymoon is over. This is not always the same for every woman, and your experience will be unique, but what I share will still be useful for you to be aware of. When Emmett was six months old it dawned on me that of the 8 years that your Dad and I had been married, six of those years combined were spent pregnant or nursing. Why is this relevant, you may ask? This is relevant because something changes in a woman during this time. No, I'm not talking about the obvious development and nourishment of a baby. I know that someday I will forget about how I was while pregnant, but I feel it is important to record my experiences so that it might help you in your marriage someday. I told you about my post-pardum depression HERE, but that is not all of it. Here is a glimpse into a few things that I hope you can learn from and be aware of so that it does not catch you off guard.
Sleep Depravation:
When I was pregnant with Hyrum we would joke with our friends about how we should sleep all we can now, because once we have kids the sleeping would stop. Believe it or not, I used to sleep ten hours every night. I LOVED sleeping in until nine or ten in the morning. You may think it's not a big deal to loose a little sleep. There is a reason that you will find prisoners of war who are tortured with sleep depravation. TORTURED! Prolonged sleep depravation was a way to brain wash people and mess with their memories and recall. This is real! We were under the false assumption that babies slept through the night when they were a few months old. Hyrum was up about every two hours until he was 6 months old and then he would wake up two to three times a night after that until he was about 3 years old. While he was teething, he would sometimes be up for several hours during the night screaming and crying. Meanwhile, we had Noah when Hyrum was just 19 months old. Noah was up every two to three hours until he was 10 months old and also didn't fully sleep through the night until he was almost 3. Sleep is the reason why there is a bigger break in ages between Noah and Owen. During that time life was REALLY hard! Brett and I both suffered the effects of no sleep. I would frequently forget things. They call it 'Mommy brain," I call it survival mode. You just do what needs to get done to survive each day. I frequently would fall asleep in the middle of reading a book to you, literally slurring out words on the page until the book would fall in my lap and my eyes would shut. You boys learned quickly to yell at me and tell me to wake up and finish the book. Sometimes during the night when I was nursing you, I worried that I would accidentally dose off and drop you. I never did, but I was close many times. A successful day was one where I was able to take a nap and shower. Forget about anything else. Many days would go by in a blurr. We loved the blessing of your company. The days were filled with love and laughter, but they were also VERY hard. You can see now why I call Emmett our Angel Baby. He was our first baby to sleep all night long by five months old. Owen was better than Hyrum and Noah, but he still struggled to get a good nights sleep before two years old. It is probably because of years of sleep depravation, but currently if I sleep for six hours uninterrupted I am well rested. I never would have imagined that six hours would be enough before we had kids, but sleep depravation changes you.
Pregnancy Hormones:
If a woman can suddenly change her entire appetite and food palette while pregnant, just imagine the change that happens with her emotions, temperament, etc. We joke about how suddenly pregnant women want to eat strange foods at a moments notice, but we often overlook what happens to their emotions. Yes, crying happens a lot when pregnant, sometimes for no reason at all. These hormones that are released when pregnant can put a woman's emotions in a heightened state. What does that mean? Let's say everyday when you get home from work/school you walk in and give your wife a kiss then take your shoes off and go on with the day. Sometimes, unknowingly, you track dirt in the house with your shoes when you go to give your wife a kiss. She doesn't mind though, because she loves you and knows you're oblivious to the dirt. Let's say this routine has been going on for a few years. Now your wife is pregnant. You come home and go to give her a kiss, except this time she is crying uncontrollably because she just swept the floor. She is completely exhausted, because growing a baby is basically equivalent to climbing a mountain with heels on, and she managed to grow a baby AND sweep the floors that day and you just brought dirt in the house. Get it? Be prepared and extra courteous. Looking back at things that I went crazy about while pregnant, now seem funny, but at the time it was far from funny. Unfortunately, there's no pregnancy sensor to the emotional vomit that gets spewed on everyone in sight. Feelings will get hurt, tempers may rise, and patience will be at an all time low. The worst part is after the moment has passed, the Momma will feel horrible for whatever actions she made, and the crying will begin again. I can honestly say that EVERY NIGHT before I fell asleep I prayed to Heavenly Father that my children (YOU) would forget the person I was while pregnant and forgive me for who I was that day. There were many days where I was a very bad mom. I would yell at you for no good reason. I would have a hard time getting out of bed before noon a lot of days. You watched a lot of TV when I was pregnant. I am not proud of the Mom I was when pregnant. I am so grateful to your Dad for seeing the real me and knowing that 'pregnant me' was not permanent. The best thing you can do for your wife during this time (aside from sweeping and dishes) is reminding her that you still see her as the amazing person that you married. She will wonder, like I did, if the happy person she sees in pictures of herself from years back will ever come back.
How trials change you:
The sleep depravation and mood swings were hard on your dad and I individually, and also as a couple. These are not the greatest trials in our lives, but they are trials and every trial changes you. Having children changed us and we will never be the same people we were when we first got married, because we have become better people. We have become happier people too. Trials stretch and push you out of the realm of comfort and ease, and it's somewhere there on the edge of sanity and breaking down where we find our greatest strength. It's at that pivotal point just before you are about to fall down where you find that you have the will, power, and ability to fight through it and come out on top. I am grateful for the struggles that we faced early in our marriage. Looking back, they don't seem like much anymore, because when you slay a giant, it looks much smaller and insignificant lying on it's back behind you. Remember that ALL trials are to help you find your own strength. Having children has given me confidence in my own power, it has given me confidence in Heavenly Father and His power, it has strengthened my understanding of the Priesthood and the Plan of Salvation, and it has given me four of the greatest things I have been privileged to learn from and grow with. I really do hope that you don't remember the woman I was when I was pregnant, but I also hope you will know that our life is not perfect and that it is the hard times that make us who we are.
I love you!
~Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment