To the Young Women

A dear friend of mine and former Camp Director when I was in YW asked me if I would write something for the Young Women in her ward.  It took me a few weeks to come up with what to say, but this is what I ended up sending to her:

 Hi! My name is Stephanie.  I like to cook, paint stuff, work in the yard, and sing obscenely loud to music that I don’t know the words to when I’m driving by myself.  I’m thirty-three years old according to my birth certificate, but I think my brain is still in my early twenties most of the time.  I met and married my husband ten years ago and we have five energetic, loud, and wonderful little boys.  It’s hard to believe that our oldest son just turned eight this summer!  We’re not old enough to have an eight year old!  Our fifth son was a surprise little miracle that came when we had other plans in mind, and we are so glad Heavenly Father’s plans are better then ours. Shortly after finding out I was expecting, I noticed a small lump in my breast.  I wasn’t too worried about it, but mentioned it to my OB/GYN during one of my routine baby check-ups.  Within a week I had an ultrasound on the growth, a biopsy, mammogram, and the news that I have breast cancer.  At first my husband and I were in shock and a little bit of denial.  I can’t have cancer!  I’m young, healthy, no family history of cancer, I’m just not a cancer ‘candidate’!  It just didn’t make sense, but there it was staring at us in the face: invasive ductal carcinoma of the right breast.  Now what?  There were a couple of weeks that kind of went by in a blur.  I had so many questions and concerns that I felt like they were running a constant flow threw my brain and there was very little room for much else to occupy my mind.  I couldn’t stop thinking about my family.  . . . my boys. . . . they need their mom.  I need them.  My time with them can’t be done.  Being filled with doubt is not a safe place to be.  My husband and I had some great talks and he was able to be my rock and reason.  Through our discussions I realized that my mind was so full of worry that there was little room for the Savior.  I decided to spend more time on my knees and I admitted to God that I didn’t know what to do and that I needed His help.  As promised in Matthew 11:28, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest”, when I turned to my Father in Heaven, He lifted my burdens so that I could finally rest from my worry.  He did not take the burden away, but almost instantly, it was as though I could see things as they really were; in God’s hands.  I remembered a vacation we went on several years ago.  We were enjoying a beautiful warm beach and learning how to surf.  The water was clear and the waves were small and perfect for beginners. Brett (my awesome hubby) really caught on to surfing and was having a blast.  I was having fun in the water, but every time I got onto my board I would head straight toward a rocky area coming off the shore and then I would have to jump off my board before I crashed.  Each time the same thing would happen, and I was getting frustrated that everyone else seemed to surf straight to the sandy beach, except for me who had some kind of magnetism to scary rocks.  It was almost time to pack it up and head in when someone yelled to me, “Stop looking at the rocks!  When you get on the board, look at the beach!”  It seemed a little too easy, but I got on my board and kept my eyes on the sandy beach in front of us, and I made it there!  The dangerous rocks were still there, but this time by focusing on the beach I surfed straight to my desired destination.  I was grateful for that advice and I could see how my current sitution needed the same words of wisdom.  I needed to reflect and really ponder what I wanted my ‘destination’ to be.  More then anything I want my boys to reach their greatest potential and have true joy in their life and for us to all live with God again.  With that destination in mind, it became easier for me to put my trust in the Lord.  Only our loving Father in Heaven could possibly love our boys more then my husband and me, and He knew what He was doing.  I trust that our experiences, trials, and hardships are meant to build us into the people that He wants us to be.  “For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” Moses 1:39.  If I need this experience in my life to help my children have greater faith in Jesus Christ, build character, or learn humility, then it is worth it.  I’m on the Lord’s time.  

    It’s funny how unimportant lots of ‘little’ things become when you begin to keep your eyes on your goal, and recognize God’s timetable.  Cancer has taught me to care less about what other people think of me.  Cancer has taught me to say yes more, procrastinate less, and treasure moments.  I went swinging on a swing set at the school playground with my boys and we tried to see who could get the highest.  I’ve jumped in puddles with my toddler.  I love being a mom and I think I will treasure all of these little moments more then I ever did before. I am so grateful for my change in perspective.  Cancer has taught me that every day we are able to choose how that day goes.  Cancer can do a lot of damage, but it cannot take away my smile, my laugh, my love, or my will.  I’m not perfect, and sometimes catch myself getting caught up in worry, but surrounding myself with positive people and a supportive husband has helped me refocus away from the ‘rocks’ and toward the smooth sandy shore.  Life can be really hard sometimes, but that doesn’t have to change who we are at the core.  We are children of God, and He has a plan for us that’s pretty amazing.  When we remember not just who we are but whose we are we can walk a little taller, care a little less about ‘stuff’, and care a little more about preparing ourselves for everything God intends us to be.  He makes big plans and every single person that allows themselves to be led (and sometimes carried) by Him has the opportunity to see things as they really are: trials are temporary, pain doesn’t last forever, and setbacks are only opportunities to do it a better way.  

  Being a young woman is hard and at times confusing and heartbreaking.  Your pains are real and shouldn't be minimized.  Just know that these pains, heartaches, and suffering that you experience now will pass. They WILL PASS!  And they will make you stronger and better prepared to meet your next trial if you allow the pain to be your teacher.  If you feel like you're not strong enough, then let the Atonement of Jesus Christ carry you.  When we are weak, He is strong. One of my favorite quotes of all times best iterates my feelings:  "

“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God . . . and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven.” - Orson F. Whitney

Just look in the mirror and repeat, "I am strong.  I am capable.  I am a daughter of a King."