The Other Woman

Dear Boys,

     On this blog I record the moments and experiences in our lives that I want to remember forever.  Most of what you see is our happy mormon life.  Our life is wonderful and blessed, but I often choose to not remember the harder times and the struggles, because I know they will pass.  These tough moments are not often recorded, but I don't want you to look back at this 'perfect life' and have false ideas of your future.  I know you will not be reading this for many years, but I wanted to write this while my memory is still somewhat fresh.  Someday you will become madly in love with a sweet young woman who may seem perfect.  I'll talk to you about precautions you should take while wearing 'love goggles' later, but for now lets talk about after you're married and the honeymoon is over.  This is not always the same for every woman, and your experience will be unique, but what I share will still be useful for you to be aware of.  When Emmett was six months old it dawned on me that of the 8 years that your Dad and I had been married, six of those years combined were spent pregnant or nursing.  Why is this relevant, you may ask?  This is relevant because something changes in a woman during this time.  No, I'm not talking about the obvious development and nourishment of a baby.  I know that someday I will forget about how I was while pregnant, but I feel it is important to record my experiences so that it might help you in your marriage someday.  I told you about my post-pardum depression HERE, but that is not all of it.   Here is a glimpse into a few things that I hope you can learn from and be aware of so that it does not catch you off guard.  

Sleep Depravation:
When I was pregnant with Hyrum we would joke with our friends about how we should sleep all we can now, because once we have kids the sleeping would stop.  Believe it or not, I used to sleep ten hours every night.  I LOVED sleeping in until nine or ten in the morning. You may think it's not a big deal to loose a little sleep.  There is a reason that you will find prisoners of war who are tortured with sleep depravation.  TORTURED!  Prolonged sleep depravation was a way to brain wash people and mess with their memories and recall. This is real!  We were under the false assumption that babies slept through the night when they were a few months old.  Hyrum was up about every two hours until he was 6 months old and then he would wake up two to three times a night after that until he was about 3 years old.  While he was teething, he would sometimes be up for several hours during the night screaming and crying.  Meanwhile, we had Noah when Hyrum was just 19 months old.  Noah was up every two to three hours until he was 10 months old and also didn't fully sleep through the night until he was almost 3.   Sleep is the reason why there is a bigger break in ages between Noah and Owen.  During that time life was REALLY hard!  Brett and I both suffered the effects of no sleep.  I would frequently forget things.  They call it 'Mommy brain," I call it survival mode.  You just do what needs to get done to survive each day.  I frequently would fall asleep in the middle of reading a book to you, literally slurring out words on the page until the book would fall in my lap and my eyes would shut.  You boys learned quickly to yell at me and tell me to wake up and finish the book.  Sometimes during the night when I was nursing you, I worried that I would accidentally dose off and drop you.   I never did, but I was close many times.  A successful day was one where I was able to take a nap and shower.  Forget about anything else.  Many days would go by in a blurr.  We loved the blessing of your company.  The days were filled with love and laughter, but they were also VERY hard.  You can see now why I call Emmett our Angel Baby.  He was our first baby to sleep all night long by five months old.  Owen was better than Hyrum and Noah, but he still struggled to get a good nights sleep before two years old.  It is probably because of years of sleep depravation, but currently if I sleep for six hours uninterrupted I am well rested.  I never would have imagined that six hours would be enough before we had kids, but sleep depravation changes you.  

Pregnancy Hormones:
If a woman can suddenly change her entire appetite and food palette while pregnant, just imagine the change that happens with her emotions, temperament, etc.  We joke about how suddenly pregnant women want to eat strange foods at a moments notice, but we often overlook what happens to their emotions.  Yes, crying happens a lot when pregnant, sometimes for no reason at all.  These hormones that are released when pregnant can put a woman's emotions in a heightened state.  What does that mean?  Let's say everyday when you get home from work/school you walk in and give your wife a kiss then take your shoes off and go on with the day.  Sometimes, unknowingly, you track dirt in the house with your shoes when you go to give your wife a kiss.  She doesn't mind though, because she loves you and knows you're oblivious to the dirt.  Let's say this routine has been going on for a few years. Now your wife is pregnant.  You come home and go to give her a kiss, except this time she is crying uncontrollably because she just swept the floor.  She is completely exhausted, because growing a baby is basically equivalent to climbing a mountain with heels on, and she managed to grow a baby AND sweep the floors that day and you just brought dirt in the house.  Get it?  Be prepared and extra courteous.  Looking back at things that I went crazy about while pregnant, now seem funny, but at the time it was far from funny.  Unfortunately,  there's no pregnancy sensor to the emotional vomit that gets spewed on everyone in sight.  Feelings will get hurt, tempers may rise, and patience will be at an all time low.   The worst part is after the moment has passed, the Momma will feel horrible for whatever actions she made, and the crying will begin again.  I can honestly say that EVERY NIGHT before I fell asleep I prayed to Heavenly Father that my children (YOU) would forget the person I was while pregnant and forgive me for who I was that day.  There were many days where I was a very bad mom.  I would yell at you for no good reason.  I would have a hard time getting out of bed before noon a lot of days.  You watched a lot of TV when I was pregnant.  I am not proud of the Mom I was when pregnant.  I am so grateful to your Dad for seeing the real me and knowing that 'pregnant me' was not permanent.  The best thing you can do for your wife during this time (aside from sweeping and dishes) is reminding her that you still see her as the amazing person that you married.  She will wonder, like I did, if the happy person she sees in pictures of herself from years back will ever come back. 

How trials change you:
The sleep depravation and mood swings were hard on your dad and I individually, and also as a couple.  These are not the greatest trials in our lives, but they are trials and every trial changes you.  Having children changed us and we will never be the same people we were when we first got married, because we have become better people.  We have become happier people too.  Trials stretch and push you out of the realm of comfort and ease, and it's somewhere there on the edge of sanity and breaking down where we find our greatest strength.  It's at that pivotal point just before you are about to fall down where you find that you have the will, power, and ability to fight through it and come out on top. I am grateful for the struggles that we faced early in our marriage.  Looking back, they don't seem like much anymore, because when you slay a giant, it looks much smaller and insignificant lying on it's back behind you.  Remember that ALL trials are to help you find your own strength.  Having children has given me confidence in my own power, it has given me confidence in Heavenly Father and His power, it has strengthened my understanding of the Priesthood and the Plan of Salvation, and it has given me four of the greatest things I have been privileged to learn from and grow with.  I really do hope that you don't remember the woman I was when I was pregnant, but I also hope you will know that our life is not perfect and that it is the hard times that make us who we are. 

I love you!
~Mom

Hike

Last summer I remember being excited for school to start so the kids could get back into a routine and back with friends.  This summer I've been following my summer school curriculum with daily lessons, activities, science experiments, etc.  Because of this, I feel that this summer has flown by faster than I can blink.  I'm a little sad to send them to school, because we've had so much fun together.  I hope that every summer is this fun.  We hiked up to a waterfall last week.  These boys were born to be dirty:)

Hyrum and Noah did a great job on the hike, but Owen struggled on the way back down.  I ended up carrying Emmett and Owen for a big chunk of the hike back.  I was pretty tired when we got home, but it was great exercise. 

 Owen is the dirties little boy and he loves it!  He almost always refuses to wear shoes outside, which means his feet are almost permanently black on the bottom.  I love his dirty little body. 

Bubbles

We went to the Lehi Foam Day on Pioneer Day this year.  The boys had so much foamy fun.  I did not want to bring my camera to this mess, but luckily I caught these moments on my phone.  Noah liked to hang out close by the baby and I, but Hyrum wanted to run all over the place, so I have a lot more pictures of Noah.

Phone Dump Part 2

Owen is such a sweet funny little man.  I asked him to get dressed after a bath and he came to me with a Knights helmet and a superman cape.  It didn't even phase him as being odd.  I teased him and told him he was supposed to get his PJ's on and he just said, "Me is dressed!"

 I was so happy to see so much family during the Clyde Rushton Reunion.  I miss my sisters a lot, so it was nice having Mic and her family stay with us.

 While Mic was here we went to the Museum of Natural Curiosity with Grandma too.  The cousins had a blast together!

 Emmett is just starting to walk, but earlier in the summer he was always coming in with scratched and sometimes bloody knees.  I put knee pads on him, hoping it would help, but they drove him crazy.

 Hyrum went to Robotics Camp this summer.  He has been looking forward to this for months, and it did not disappoint. 

Phone Dump

It's time again to free up some storage space on my phone.  I absolutely love looking back and seeing the fun candid moments that I caught on my phone.  I have a LOT of pictures, so this will take a few posts.  

I LOVE our neighborhood.  This is a 'little' movie night we had earlier this summer:).

 These boys are so sweet.  They have so much love for each other.

 On our way to the airport for the Hawaii trip this boy zonked out.  We didn't realize it at first because he was hiding behind his upside-down sunglasses.

 no need to explain these next few pictures.  Life is good when you're near a beach.

 We love living so close to the American Fork Canyon.  We frequently go up for little hikes and tree climbing adventures.  When you don't have much of a yard, it's great to live so close to so much space.

 Best Buddies with their Legos and matching fedoras. 

 Here are a few more pictures of Hyrum and Emmett's birthday treats and party.

 I am in love with this picture and this sweet boys face.  For Hyrum and Emmett's birthday dinner we ate at Texas Roadhouse.  He was so excited to sit on the saddle and have all the attention.

Camping-esque

The boys have been really looking forward to going camping this summer.  They've been earning different activities that we told them we would do during our trip like shooting bows and arrows, going on our boat, making s'mores, etc.  We spent a lot of time prepping for the trip and packing.  The boys and I loaded in the car early in the afternoon to get a good spot.  After a two and half hour drive stopping at every campsite we had to accept the fact that there were no camping sites available.  It was  sad for the boys, but we let them know that we would still be able to do all the activities that they earned.  The weekend still ended up to be a lot of fun.  We had planned the trip with friends, so we went to their house that night for grilling and roasting marshmallows.  In the morning we went to a nearby lake and had a blast feeding the ducks, swimming, and riding in the boat.  The boys had SO much fun!  We can't wait to go out again. 

Grace Norris Rushton Reunion

My Grandma Gracie would have been 100 this year, so we celebrated with a big party in Salt Lake.  Family flew/drove in and it was so nice to see family that I haven't seen for years.  My favorite part of the day was listening to the stories that her children told about her.  I was a baby when she died, so I don't remember her, but I love hearing her stories.  The park where we met was the same park she practiced tennis at when she was young.  She was an amazing athlete.  She sounded like such a fun, eccentric person.  She was the Utah state tennis doubles champion in, I think, 1948.  She excelled at pretty much all sports.  They say that whenever there was a group sporting event where people picked teams, Grandma Gracie was always the first to be picked and my Grandpa Clyde was usually the last.  That made me laugh.  She would sneak away during the day sometimes to go bowling at the bowling alley, and Grandpa Clyde didn't approve.  When he would get home from work and smell the smoke on her clothes he would say the same phrase every time, "You've been in the den of iniquity again, huh?" Then the day would just go on.  She would have bake sales to raise money for Relief Society.  She was an excellent cook and was very competitive and particular about how her food was sold.  She only sold hot bread at bake sales, which meant that she would frequently run form her oven to sell the bread immediately so it wouldn't cool off.  She was an amazing lady.  It was wonderful to be around so much family.  I love who I come from!

 When I was little I loved our family reunions because they were HUGE.  I miss those big gatherings, surrounded by cousins, aunts, and uncles.  This is a small portion of my Grandma and Grandpa's posterity. 

My Grandpa Clyde came up for the reunion, but ended up in the hospital to get stints in his heart.  Although being in the hospital was not ideal, I was glad that it required him to stay in Utah a little longer to recover, so we could visit with him.  Noah's middle name is Clyde, named after Gramps.  Noah was so excited to meet him.  My Uncle Clyde was there too, so we had to get a picture of three Clydes together.  It's a great name to live on.

 The boys had fun visiting and asking Gramps questions.  I love my Grandpa, and I hope they will remember this visit and what a great man he is.  I think Emmett is his 102nd great-grandchild.  What a legacy at almost 98 years old!