Fall-ing

My favorite sound that I love to hear(other than my own children laughing) is the crunching of leaves.

I love Fall.

Abnormally abnormal

Normal Me:

These are the words that I would use to describe me: content, happy, grateful, optimistic, motivated.  Sure, I have bad days, lazy days, and cranky days just like everyone else, but overall I am generally a mellow happy person.

My Alter Post-Prego Ego:

With each of my boys I've experienced baby blues.  My experience with baby blues has been off and on sadness and brief discouragement about little things that normally wouldn't affect me.  Gratefully, I recognized what was going on with my emotions and was able to cope.  Baby blues are common, and I wish that more prego women were made aware of it so that it won't come as a shock.  This is not an easy thing for me to journal about, but its a part of my mother experience that I need to remember.  A couple of months ago I started feeling those baby blues coming to me.  The discouragement and sadness was at a much deeper level than I have ever experienced.   It wasn't everyday and it wasn't even all day when it did hit.  The inconsistency was the most frustrating part about it all.  I would be totally fine one minute and then suddenly I would have to pull over on the side of the road because I would start crying and couldn't see the road.  It was usually the worst in the evening.  I was embarrassed about it and didn't want Brett to know about it, so I only talked with a few friends who I knew would understand because they've been there.  For the most part I was able to keep 'closeted crazy' in check.  After a few weeks I think I subconsciously felt like I needed a reason for the sadness, so I started thinking in absolutes. Absolutes are usually not a good idea, especially when you are not in a good mind.  Suddenly, when I would take the trash out it became: "Brett NEVER takes the trash out." (which is not true).  When someone would mention they were dropping kids off at Grandparents it became: "EVERYONE has family to help them out.  I NEVER get help from ANYONE."  (Both statement are very false)  The absolutes kept coming and frustration was growing.  There were nights where I would cry for hours.

Abnormally Abnormal:

A couple of weeks ago things came to a head and I had an emotional, verbal, teary deluge.  Up to this point Brett had no idea what was going on in my head.  How dare he not read my mind and look past my smile and keeping it together, right? (I hope you hear the sarcasm there) What I was expecting: "You're right, Stepahnie.  You have it really hard. How can I fix these horrible circumstances?"  What I got: "I really don't understand why you're saying these things. This isn't how you normally feel about . . ."  What! No sympathy? This is not what I expected at all, and it was exactly what I needed. This is why I love Brett so much.  Somehow I forgot who I was and somehow I forgot to disconnect ME from the blues that I had learned to cope with after my other births.

Fixing My Broken Crazy:

This moment I had with Brett helped me really turn things around.  I still get the blues at times, but when I do I remind myself that the sadness will pass and not to dwell on it. I have to stop and think, "Is this something normal me would think?  If this is a 'crazy me' thought than I need to stop thinking it." Oh, and for your informations; the DEFINITION OF CRAZY in this post is NOT IN CONTROL of myself.   Crazy can mean different things to different people, but for me it is lack of control.  I'm admitting an embarrassing weakness, because I love being in control.  I really don't like having little control over myself, which is why I am hesitant of a lot of medicines and supplements, because of how they alter my control, but that's a topic for another day.

Another thing that has really helped me is this beautiful quote from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf.  THIS talk really means a lot to me.  Faith can be interchanged with self worth, marriage, friends, etc. . . It really works.

Here's what I know and need to remind myself when I forget:  

I am very blessed.  I have an amazing life.  I have an amazing family that I love.  I have some awesome friends.  I love where I am in my life and where my life is headed.  Rinse and Repeat.

If you are a woman reading this and haven't experienced baby blues, just know that if you have children it may come.  Don't beat yourself up about it.  It's normal.  You are still normal. . . or at least not completely crazy:).  Baby blues are not quite the same as postpartum depression.  If the blues are to a point where they take up more of your time than the good times and it's interfering with basic function than GO SEE A DOCTOR!  We have to be humble enough to recognize when we need help from more than what we have available at home.  Our families need us and sometimes that means getting help so we can be there for them.  I know that my blues could have been much worse, and I am glad that I'm catching it now and helping myself.

The best things to do to help overcome baby blues:

  -Do something you love

  -Start a new project

  -Talk to someone about it
-See a doctor
-Make a plan every day to do something even if it's just a trip to the store

  -Doubt your negative thoughts

  -EXERCISE!

  -Eat better, it really does make a difference

  -Attempt more sleep (this one is hard to do with a baby)

  -Go on a date

  -Plan an amazing vacation and then don't actually go on one. 

       (THIS explains the last one)

  -Put on some 'happy' essential oils: Citrus Bliss, Balance, Lavender, Serenity
-Take Multi-Vitamins and Vitamin B,D, and C in addition

Halloween 2013

When we found out that Emmett would be a boy we decided that a family of 4 boys meant a family of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  It really worked out well because Hyrum's favorite color is red (Raphael) and Noah's favorite color is blue (Leonardo).  The two littlest don't have much of an opinion so they get assigned orange and purple.  When I mentioned TMNT as Halloween costumes to the boys about a month ago they were REALLY excited about it.  Then as we got closer to Halloween Hyrum decided he didn't want to do it anymore and wanted to be something scary.  By that point I had already started on the costumes.  So I had to just hope that he would come to his senses as we got closer to spook day.  Well, Halloween morning I pulled out the costumes and the boys LOVED them.  Hyrum keeps insisting that we save his costume to wear next year too.  Oh, the drama!  By night time we had a mask left at school and Owen refused to wear his, but it was still good.

Noah was the only one brave enough to sport the green hair.  It was pretty awesome!

I'm not a toy weapons fan, and we've never had them in the house before, but we decided to give in for Halloween.  They were ninja's ALL DAY long!  It was fun, and no one got hurt. 

We had an early dinner of Bloody Guts (Sloppy Joe Casserole), and slime green punch with an ice hand.  The boys loved the hand.  I also attempted some bones of meringue, but they didn't turn out.

Here's the trick-or-treating crew.  I took all the boys to invade our street and then Brett took the two older boys to do a little bit more.  It was a fun night.  I LOVE Halloween! 

Harvest

The boys have been so excited the past couple of months as they've watched our pumpkins growing in the backyard that they planted from seeds this summer.  The long vine-y plants ran out of our garden area and started taking over our grass, but we couldn't cut them back because the only pumpkins that grew from the huge plants were three beautiful pumpkins in our lawn.  So, we went with it, and our yard looked pretty scary for a while.  I was so glad that we had three grow, so that each of the boys could have their own (minus Emmett).  Hyrum's was perfectly orange.  Noah and Owens were perfectly green, but at least they were big and they loved them.  We brought them in and got carving.  You could really see Hyrum and Noah's personalities while we carved.  Hyrum wanted to make something scary, but he refused a pattern.  Instead he just started digging and cutting into the pumpkin.  We asked what he was going to make and his response was something like, "I don't know yet, we'll see what happens after I start".  Yep, that's Hyrum.  Hyrum takes after his Dad in ALMOST every way, except this was all me. :)  In fact I recall saying almost the same thing last year when I made a pumpkin.  Patterns frustrate me too.  His final pumpkin was pretty crazy but I loved it because it was creative and all his.  Noah was hesitant to pick something out to carve because everything was too scary.  After much deliberation and looking through books that afternoon he picked the sillouette of a cute kitty sitting on top of a pumpkin.  He does not like scary!  He has a very tender heart and loves everything to be rosy and cute.  He's such a sweet boy.  Owen was just excited about everything and ran around most of the time, while occasionally stabbing his pumpkin or his brothers and then running away again.  He's a funny boy.

Schedules

I have so much to be grateful for. My boys drive me crazy for reasons that should make me happy.  They love to run, explore, shout, investigate the interiors of things that should remain together, exercise their vocal chords, see things as they are and not as we have been conditioned to see them, and they are not afraid to be true to their feelings and to themselves.  I have a lot to learn from them.  I hope to have their zeal for life when I am encountered with small things easy to overlook.  I need to remember to stop being busy and notice how beautiful dust sparkles as the sun shines through our finger-printed windows.  I need to love seeing all of the dirt under their little nails that has been collected while digging for treasures, wrestling in the grass, and challenging the laws of gravity at the park.  They earned that dirt.  Being a mom is hard.  Days are busy and all of my productive time is from 8:30pm-midnight.  I've burned a lot of midnight oil lately and yet the house isn't very clean, sometimes I forget when I last gave the boys baths, my goal of making three meals a week isn't always hit, and every night when I go to sleep I have a feeling I'm forgetting something.  I know that someday I will wish for these days of snuggles and drool.  And that's why I blog.  

 (Noah wanted to try my camera.  I turned around to put something in the microwave and he took this picture.  It makes me happy.)

(Boxes are our best friends.)

Baby Bubbles enters Toddlerhood!

The terrible two's began for us about 6 months ago when Owen discovered his magnificent skill of climbing.  It's very impressive and very terrifying.  He's been into everything in the upper cupboards, lower cupboards, sinks, pantry and pretty much everywhere you can think of.  For several months I would have to pull him off the counter four or five times a day. The counter climbing slowed down a bit when he realized how fun it is to pour pitchers full of water on the kitchen floor. . . daily.   Why did we not stop it from happening you may wonder?  Well, we tried pretty much everything, short of locking him in his room all day.  It would be much easier if I could give him my full attention all day, but it just isn't possible.  I'm happy to say that his climbing has slowed down quite a bit and I only go through two or three kitchen towels a day cleaning up water spills.  This little destructor of ours has been an adventure in our lives.  With all of the chaos the age enlists, I have to admit that Little O-Man brings some of the greatest joy to our day.  Owen is so very sweet and thoughtful.  A couple of weeks ago I was outside with the boys and six or seven of the neighborhood kids.  Some of the kids mentioned they were thirsty.  I was nursing, so I told them they would have to wait until I was all done.   Before I knew it Owen had come out carrying a cup of water.   He went back in two more times to bring out two more cups of water that he handed out to the neighbors.  He is always so kind and willing to help.  He loves giving and receiving hugs and kisses.  I think if he could fully express himself and you were to ask him who his favorite person is he would first say his Dad and then Baby Emmett would be a very close second.  Recently he found Hyrum's walkie-talkie.  When you turn one receiver on it can sometimes pick up random transmissions in bits and pieces.  He listens to it for a while until he hears a mans voice and then he excitedly yells 'Daddy! Daddy!'  I'm pretty sure that he thinks Emmett is his baby.  He is so affectionate and loving to Emmett.  Whenever Emmett cries he gets very concerned and comes to me quickly to let me know that he's sad.  In the past couple of days he learned to say "Baby, happy."  He says it in a pleading way when Emmett is sad and in an excited tone when he smiles.  He LOVES his brother.   He's picking up new words fast.  He is very smart.  He is a blessing to all of us.  We love our little Owen.  For his birthday we went to the Dinosaur Museum, which is one of his favorite places.  I'm surprised he didn't loose his voice growling and roaring at all of the bones.  

He even spent some time relaxing in the sand.

When we got home we opened presents and had cake balls to eat.  It was a great day and I think it was perfect for our cute little adventurer.   

Celebrating Awesome.

With our lack of moving we decided that one thing we can do to be more content with where we are right now is to utilize our surrounding more.  We have loved going up to the canyon all summer to climb trees, picnic, and nature watch.  To make it even more fun we decided to invest in some more camping things and a raft so we could spend more time up the mountain with the boys. . . and of course Brett bought a big truck to add to his man card:).  Hyrum's teacher has a system for letting parents know how the students do at school.  Each day they are rewarded with a specific color sticker on a chart.  Most of the time Hyrum has gotten green, which means "ready to learn".  It's great to get green, but we let him know that if he got two orange stickers (pretty much means they were amazingly awesome) we would go camping.  He was really excited and worked hard to be awesome at school.  Once he earned awesome behavior status at school we were excited to get things ready to go.  We decided that Brett, Hyrum, and Noah would be staying overnight, while I took the two little ones back home when it was time for bed.  I love camping and I can't wait till the babies are a little bit older so we can join Dad and the older boys.  I got a few pictures before we left.  They had fun eating dinner and breakfast at our campsite. They explored nature and bit and practiced shooting the bow.  In the morning, after breakfast, they packed everything up and spent the rest of the morning at the reservoir just a little ways from the campsite. 

It's hard to see but in this first picture if you look on the camping chair next to Hyrum, you'll see baby Emmett relaxing there.  Owen was filthy and kept going over and giving him kisses, so I had to clean Emmett's face because he was a mess by the time we went back home.