I suppose every mother wants only to remember the wonders and miracles of birth, because that's all that really matters in the end. Life in it's beginnings is so miraculous and amazing and I am always astounded that God has given us this gift of creating life alongside Him. Being a Mom and being surrounded by other mothers most of the time means that sharing birth stories is fairly common. My birthing stories are often different from other mothers. I don't think that I'm unusual or that far off from several other mothers who go through the same thing, it's just that the majority of women experience it differently than I do. Sometimes I feel that I am politely looked at as being weak or uninformed. Sometimes I receive apologies of those who strive to empathize. I really don't mind other people's responses either way, but for some reason I still feel a little off. I don't think anyone likes to be different. When I was younger I dreamed of what crazy stories I would be able to tell my children someday about being in labor for 20 hours or breaking Dad's hand when I was pushing them out. . . When your vision of how things should be changes, it's hard. I will admit it. I'm really not writing this at all to appear as a victim or a sad case. If anything I'm embracing the joy that life is no matter what avenue it comes. I never wrote anything about Hyrum's full birth story, because I think I was still coping with what I saw as a failure on my part. I KNOW it was a not a failure! But imagine dreaming of a 'perfect' wedding. You already have the perfect dress, the perfect flowers, the perfect reception location, and the perfect man. On the morning of your wedding your dress and flowers are stolen and the reception hall is flooded. The most important part is getting married to the perfect man, but it still will hurt a bit knowing that everything else was not what you wanted. I think that's kind of how I felt. I feel for all of those women who have unconventional births/adoptions that sometimes may feel like outsiders. So, for my posterity and for my own acceptance and embrace of difference, not failure, I have decided to document for the first time the whole birth story of our first son, Hyrum. These are based on my memories from nearly four years ago, but I imagine that the important memories are stuck solid.
Hyrum Neil Partridge
During the Pregnancy: At our first ultrasound they found a cute little boy. We were ecstatic. The ultrasonographer also saw what looked like a murmer in Hyrum's heart and a larger than average ovarian cyst. The ultra-sonographer told me how common cysts were and how there probably was nothing to worry about with mine. I was sent to a Perinatologist for a closer examination. We were so happy that the Perinatologist did not find anything wrong with Hyrum's heart and told us he looked great. She told us a little more about cysts and let us know my OB would talk to us more about it. I went to my next OB appointment really not expecting to hear anything to worry about from Dr. Grover. I was taken off guard when she went into detail on the concerns she had with the cyst. Scary phrases were thrown at me that I had a hard time even processing like emergency surgery during pregnancy, possible loss of baby, possible cancer, excessive pain if the cyst pops that would put me into pre-term labor, c-section. . .it seemed like she wouldn't stop talking and I couldn't handle anymore. I went home in tears and had a hard time telling Brett everything that was dumped on me. He came with me to the next appointment. This time we came a little more prepared and had questions. Basically, if the cyst grew to be 13 cm they would need to surgically remove it, no matter how far along I was in the pregnancy. If the cyst 'popped' on it's own it would be excruciatingly painful and I would need to go immediately to the Labor and Delivery floor of the Hospital because the pain would induce labor. The final and best situation was that the cyst would grow very little, not pop, and would be removed at the time of delivery. As time passed I was closely monitored and it seemed that we had achieved the ideal circumstances. As we got closer to the due date the ultrasounds showed that the cyst had grown, but not up to 13 cm. It had, however, kindly lodged itself low in my pelvis and acted as a nice pillow for Hyrum's head. A C-Section was inevitable. Of course I did still have a choice: 1-death or 2-C-section. . . . to me there was no debate on these options of which we would choose. Giving birth is a risk no matter what your circumstances are, but I prefer to lean toward the option that gives the best rate of success. I am grateful to benefit from the knowledge and skills that our Heavenly Father has blessed us with to make this process of creation less deadly than they once were. Had I had this experience 100 years ago I would have certainly died. I am thankful for modern medical technology and training.
The Day of Awakening: (Only to be read by those who will not be queasy or shy of such things) It was about 1 in the morning. I was 2 weeks from my due date/scheduled c-section. We stayed up late the night before (July 4th) to watch the fireworks going off at the Stadium. Afterward, Brett insisted on playing a board game and I insisted on him painting my toe nails. . . we both got what we wanted :). Anyway, I was sound asleep when I had a strange intuition that popped my eyes open and had me running to the bathroom. Just as I made it through the door into the bathroom my water broke. It was like dumping a pitcher of watery fluid on the floor. I waddled my way over to the toilet. Brett managed to sleep through the ordeal, but the moment I said his name he was the fastest person I have ever seen! He was running around franticly getting things ready. It was pretty cute watching him. I was actually very calm and SO happy that I was able to have this birth experience. He pulled the car up right to the front door, literally (he backed up on the front lawn). I put two large pads on, but when I stood up they didn't seam to do anything to help conceal the gushing. So, I made a cloth diaper out of two large towels. Then I put a stretchy skirt on top so I didn't look quite as strange. Brett also put a few towels on my seat in the car. We made it into the car and to the hospital which was luckily only two blocks away. When we arrived Brett helped me into the hospital. I am so glad it was the middle of the night because my sumo-panties were very bulky under my skirt and also very awkward to walk with. We were able to get a wheel chair and headed up to Labor and Delivery.
It's a Boy!: Then there was the waiting. . . I had three different nurses 'check' to see if my water broke. Why they couldn't all just refer to the first test baffled me. If this happens again I will be much more vocal in telling them that I am not a test patient. Their were a few interns that were trying me out I guess. After explaining my fear of needles and how I tend to faint, one of the interns even made the comment, "I've never used an IV needle so big, hopefully I'll get it in the next try." WOW! I feared it would be a long night, but I was just so excited to have my water break and have a real birth experience. Dr. Grover wasn't able to get in to do the surgery until just after noon. The labor pains were very minimal and it was hours after my water broke before I felt my first contraction. The nurses all seemed to think my cyst was really cool. I had several people come in to ultrasound me and see the cyst. The funny thing was when a couple of them told me, with concern, about the cyst blocking the birth canal as if I had no idea it was there. I could see their relief when I would admit to already being fully aware of my situation. Once Dr. Grover arrived everything was in a rush. I met with the anesthesiologist first, who explained everything that would happen and how my body would react to the anesthetics. I refused to look at the machine and needle he brought in with him. I sat on the bed and took a few deep breaths concentrating on the little baby inside me and not the fact that the biggest needle in the world was being injected into my spine. It was painful but quick. I was then put on a gurney and was rolled into the O.R. Within about 15 minutes I no longer had any feeling waist down. It was a very strange sensation. I could feel pressure when someone set something down on me or moved me, but no real feeling. Dr. Grover came in moments later all scrubbed up along with her Dad, Dr. Glenn (who would be assisting in the surgery). Brett also was fully clothed for the O.R. in what looked like a bio-hazard outfit, along with mask and everything. Everything seemed so busy and rushed, which was a little overwhelming considering I had just been lying on a bed for several hours waiting. Dr. Grover came and spoke with Brett and me to tell us exactly what they would be doing during the C-Section and then removal of the cyst. I completely tuned her out, because I knew that if I listened I would have past out. (I fainted in Jr. High when my health teacher explained to us how to insert a tampon. I have since learned that the less I know the better.) The surgery began and when I couldn't feel anything I was becoming pretty relieved that everything would be easy and over quickly. Brett was intrigued by the whole surgery and watched over the curtain the whole thing. I just kept asking Brett if they got Hyrum out yet, and I would cut him off if he tried to tell me what else was happening. It was pretty funny during the process listening to Dr. Grover and Dr. Glenn talking about what was going on at home and with Dr. Grover's kids. They were having a whole conversation as if sitting over dinner. At one point Dr. Grover told us that her hand was stuck. I had a contraction while her hand was in my belly and she couldn't get her hand out. After that episode they needed to apply some "pressure" to help in the delivery (kind of doing the "pushing" for me). To do this, it felt as though Dr. Grover sat an my chest and rolled down (Brett confirmed that she pretty much did just that, not actually sitting but put most of her weight on me and rolled down). There was SO much pressure that I felt all the air come out of me. I was sure that my ribs would be mush when she was finally done. It was a strange and unpleasant feeling, to say the least. Then I heard a cry. I couldn't help but cry too. Dr. Grover held him over the curtain for a moment and then wrapped him up. A nurse brought him over and laid him next to my face so I could kiss him, even though I was unable to hold him yet. I wanted so badly to hold him forever. Brett carried him off with the nurse to get cleaned and checked. The Doctors were still in full operation mode as they now needed to remove the cyst. I felt my body begin to shake. The anesthesiologist filled in for Brett while he was with Hyrum. He actually held me hand and was very comforting. Dr. Grovers voice started to sound urgent, as she and her Dad seemed to be struggling with something. My shaking was getting worse. Then Dr. Grover yelled over to the anesthesiologist that he needed to give me something fast to get my shaking under control. Everything seemed frantic. I was in shock and the shaking was really scary for me because I suddenly realized that I had absolutely no control over my whole body. Brett came in and held my hand and tried to comfort me. I felt more drugs flowing through my system and then the shaking stopped. The surgery was back to a calm level. Dr. Grover asked Brett to come over with his camera and take a picture of the cyst and swollen uterus (don't click if you're squeemish) next to each other, so she could keep it in her 'weird stuff scrapbook' or something(The cyst is on the left). It's really pretty incredible seeing them together. The cyst, when removed, measured 11.5 cm (about the size of a softball)! After a bit more time they let me know that the surgery was a success and I was all closed up and ready to go to my room. The extra drugs they had to give me left me in quite a daze. I was awake and aware of things going on, but everything seemed like a dream. The only thing that I remember very well was the frustration and pain I felt because they wouldn't let Hyrum come in to me for more than 7 hours after delivery. I know that there was some reason, but I really don't remember why and I hated it (Brett tells me that his oxygen levels weren't quite high enough to release him from the nursery and since I was confined to the bed I couldn't see him period). I really don't remember much for the next day and a half. Brett told me later that I had slurred speech and said funny things. Hyrum was perfect! He was a miracle! We love him more than words can describe! I am so thankful for Dr's Grover and Glenn who saved my life and that of Hyrum. The drugs had some undesirable side-effects for a few days after the surgery, but they eventually went away. It took me three days before they could take the catheter out. It took about a week before I could walk standing strait up. It took two weeks before I could really walk around comfortably or sneeze without crying. For several weeks I felt like some of my internal organs might just fall out of my stomach. The numbness over my scar was numb for a full year. (Disclaimer: My second C-Section had a MUCH better recovery time for everything. I think a lot of the issues I had were because of the cyst needing to be removed after, and the extra drugs in my system because of going into shock.) Was it painful? Yes. Was it something I wouldn't wish on anyone else? Yes. Would I do it again? YES!!! If this is what it takes to bring one of God's choice spirits into this earth to be a part of our family, it is a very small price to pay. I embrace Hyrum's miracle birth and am so happy to have such a healthy happy boy be part of our family. I love my birth experience because through it I gained everything and because of it I am reminded how precious life is.
Hyrum Neil Partridge
During the Pregnancy: At our first ultrasound they found a cute little boy. We were ecstatic. The ultrasonographer also saw what looked like a murmer in Hyrum's heart and a larger than average ovarian cyst. The ultra-sonographer told me how common cysts were and how there probably was nothing to worry about with mine. I was sent to a Perinatologist for a closer examination. We were so happy that the Perinatologist did not find anything wrong with Hyrum's heart and told us he looked great. She told us a little more about cysts and let us know my OB would talk to us more about it. I went to my next OB appointment really not expecting to hear anything to worry about from Dr. Grover. I was taken off guard when she went into detail on the concerns she had with the cyst. Scary phrases were thrown at me that I had a hard time even processing like emergency surgery during pregnancy, possible loss of baby, possible cancer, excessive pain if the cyst pops that would put me into pre-term labor, c-section. . .it seemed like she wouldn't stop talking and I couldn't handle anymore. I went home in tears and had a hard time telling Brett everything that was dumped on me. He came with me to the next appointment. This time we came a little more prepared and had questions. Basically, if the cyst grew to be 13 cm they would need to surgically remove it, no matter how far along I was in the pregnancy. If the cyst 'popped' on it's own it would be excruciatingly painful and I would need to go immediately to the Labor and Delivery floor of the Hospital because the pain would induce labor. The final and best situation was that the cyst would grow very little, not pop, and would be removed at the time of delivery. As time passed I was closely monitored and it seemed that we had achieved the ideal circumstances. As we got closer to the due date the ultrasounds showed that the cyst had grown, but not up to 13 cm. It had, however, kindly lodged itself low in my pelvis and acted as a nice pillow for Hyrum's head. A C-Section was inevitable. Of course I did still have a choice: 1-death or 2-C-section. . . . to me there was no debate on these options of which we would choose. Giving birth is a risk no matter what your circumstances are, but I prefer to lean toward the option that gives the best rate of success. I am grateful to benefit from the knowledge and skills that our Heavenly Father has blessed us with to make this process of creation less deadly than they once were. Had I had this experience 100 years ago I would have certainly died. I am thankful for modern medical technology and training.
The Day of Awakening: (Only to be read by those who will not be queasy or shy of such things) It was about 1 in the morning. I was 2 weeks from my due date/scheduled c-section. We stayed up late the night before (July 4th) to watch the fireworks going off at the Stadium. Afterward, Brett insisted on playing a board game and I insisted on him painting my toe nails. . . we both got what we wanted :). Anyway, I was sound asleep when I had a strange intuition that popped my eyes open and had me running to the bathroom. Just as I made it through the door into the bathroom my water broke. It was like dumping a pitcher of watery fluid on the floor. I waddled my way over to the toilet. Brett managed to sleep through the ordeal, but the moment I said his name he was the fastest person I have ever seen! He was running around franticly getting things ready. It was pretty cute watching him. I was actually very calm and SO happy that I was able to have this birth experience. He pulled the car up right to the front door, literally (he backed up on the front lawn). I put two large pads on, but when I stood up they didn't seam to do anything to help conceal the gushing. So, I made a cloth diaper out of two large towels. Then I put a stretchy skirt on top so I didn't look quite as strange. Brett also put a few towels on my seat in the car. We made it into the car and to the hospital which was luckily only two blocks away. When we arrived Brett helped me into the hospital. I am so glad it was the middle of the night because my sumo-panties were very bulky under my skirt and also very awkward to walk with. We were able to get a wheel chair and headed up to Labor and Delivery.
It's a Boy!: Then there was the waiting. . . I had three different nurses 'check' to see if my water broke. Why they couldn't all just refer to the first test baffled me. If this happens again I will be much more vocal in telling them that I am not a test patient. Their were a few interns that were trying me out I guess. After explaining my fear of needles and how I tend to faint, one of the interns even made the comment, "I've never used an IV needle so big, hopefully I'll get it in the next try." WOW! I feared it would be a long night, but I was just so excited to have my water break and have a real birth experience. Dr. Grover wasn't able to get in to do the surgery until just after noon. The labor pains were very minimal and it was hours after my water broke before I felt my first contraction. The nurses all seemed to think my cyst was really cool. I had several people come in to ultrasound me and see the cyst. The funny thing was when a couple of them told me, with concern, about the cyst blocking the birth canal as if I had no idea it was there. I could see their relief when I would admit to already being fully aware of my situation. Once Dr. Grover arrived everything was in a rush. I met with the anesthesiologist first, who explained everything that would happen and how my body would react to the anesthetics. I refused to look at the machine and needle he brought in with him. I sat on the bed and took a few deep breaths concentrating on the little baby inside me and not the fact that the biggest needle in the world was being injected into my spine. It was painful but quick. I was then put on a gurney and was rolled into the O.R. Within about 15 minutes I no longer had any feeling waist down. It was a very strange sensation. I could feel pressure when someone set something down on me or moved me, but no real feeling. Dr. Grover came in moments later all scrubbed up along with her Dad, Dr. Glenn (who would be assisting in the surgery). Brett also was fully clothed for the O.R. in what looked like a bio-hazard outfit, along with mask and everything. Everything seemed so busy and rushed, which was a little overwhelming considering I had just been lying on a bed for several hours waiting. Dr. Grover came and spoke with Brett and me to tell us exactly what they would be doing during the C-Section and then removal of the cyst. I completely tuned her out, because I knew that if I listened I would have past out. (I fainted in Jr. High when my health teacher explained to us how to insert a tampon. I have since learned that the less I know the better.) The surgery began and when I couldn't feel anything I was becoming pretty relieved that everything would be easy and over quickly. Brett was intrigued by the whole surgery and watched over the curtain the whole thing. I just kept asking Brett if they got Hyrum out yet, and I would cut him off if he tried to tell me what else was happening. It was pretty funny during the process listening to Dr. Grover and Dr. Glenn talking about what was going on at home and with Dr. Grover's kids. They were having a whole conversation as if sitting over dinner. At one point Dr. Grover told us that her hand was stuck. I had a contraction while her hand was in my belly and she couldn't get her hand out. After that episode they needed to apply some "pressure" to help in the delivery (kind of doing the "pushing" for me). To do this, it felt as though Dr. Grover sat an my chest and rolled down (Brett confirmed that she pretty much did just that, not actually sitting but put most of her weight on me and rolled down). There was SO much pressure that I felt all the air come out of me. I was sure that my ribs would be mush when she was finally done. It was a strange and unpleasant feeling, to say the least. Then I heard a cry. I couldn't help but cry too. Dr. Grover held him over the curtain for a moment and then wrapped him up. A nurse brought him over and laid him next to my face so I could kiss him, even though I was unable to hold him yet. I wanted so badly to hold him forever. Brett carried him off with the nurse to get cleaned and checked. The Doctors were still in full operation mode as they now needed to remove the cyst. I felt my body begin to shake. The anesthesiologist filled in for Brett while he was with Hyrum. He actually held me hand and was very comforting. Dr. Grovers voice started to sound urgent, as she and her Dad seemed to be struggling with something. My shaking was getting worse. Then Dr. Grover yelled over to the anesthesiologist that he needed to give me something fast to get my shaking under control. Everything seemed frantic. I was in shock and the shaking was really scary for me because I suddenly realized that I had absolutely no control over my whole body. Brett came in and held my hand and tried to comfort me. I felt more drugs flowing through my system and then the shaking stopped. The surgery was back to a calm level. Dr. Grover asked Brett to come over with his camera and take a picture of the cyst and swollen uterus (don't click if you're squeemish) next to each other, so she could keep it in her 'weird stuff scrapbook' or something(The cyst is on the left). It's really pretty incredible seeing them together. The cyst, when removed, measured 11.5 cm (about the size of a softball)! After a bit more time they let me know that the surgery was a success and I was all closed up and ready to go to my room. The extra drugs they had to give me left me in quite a daze. I was awake and aware of things going on, but everything seemed like a dream. The only thing that I remember very well was the frustration and pain I felt because they wouldn't let Hyrum come in to me for more than 7 hours after delivery. I know that there was some reason, but I really don't remember why and I hated it (Brett tells me that his oxygen levels weren't quite high enough to release him from the nursery and since I was confined to the bed I couldn't see him period). I really don't remember much for the next day and a half. Brett told me later that I had slurred speech and said funny things. Hyrum was perfect! He was a miracle! We love him more than words can describe! I am so thankful for Dr's Grover and Glenn who saved my life and that of Hyrum. The drugs had some undesirable side-effects for a few days after the surgery, but they eventually went away. It took me three days before they could take the catheter out. It took about a week before I could walk standing strait up. It took two weeks before I could really walk around comfortably or sneeze without crying. For several weeks I felt like some of my internal organs might just fall out of my stomach. The numbness over my scar was numb for a full year. (Disclaimer: My second C-Section had a MUCH better recovery time for everything. I think a lot of the issues I had were because of the cyst needing to be removed after, and the extra drugs in my system because of going into shock.) Was it painful? Yes. Was it something I wouldn't wish on anyone else? Yes. Would I do it again? YES!!! If this is what it takes to bring one of God's choice spirits into this earth to be a part of our family, it is a very small price to pay. I embrace Hyrum's miracle birth and am so happy to have such a healthy happy boy be part of our family. I love my birth experience because through it I gained everything and because of it I am reminded how precious life is.
8 comments:
LOVE IT! EVERY baby is a miracle. Period. Regardless of how they get here. :)
And I totally know the feeling when they crush all your ribs and you feel like your lungs are going to pop. Seriously, no one warned me about that part.... :)
Thank you for sharing that Stephanie! That was beautiful and your experience is by no means any less than anyone else...you have a beautiful little boy and a beautiful story to share! Your story is such a great example of how we can prepare the best we can and then leave the rest up to God. Birth is beautiful! I'm so glad you shared his story.
What a beautiful story of your sweet boy! That cyst was incredible. I too felt so grateful for modern technology when having to rely on c-sections. I know some of your feelings Stephanie ; ) THanks for sharing. Love your blog too!
What a beautiful story -- and way more exciting than most people with "traditional" births!
I can understand how it was hard when your perfect birth scenario changed. We got close to having a C-section with Nathan, and I was almost in tears about it at the time. So grateful for modern technology that you were able to get Hyrum here safely and be able to live to raise him!
You would "fit in" in my ward very well. It seems we have a lot of people with C-sections, and many who have had VBAC's who then chose the C-section with the 3rd child because they preferred their C-section experience to a regular birth! I sometimes feel out of place when the birthing stories are shared in our neighborhood :)
You may not remember me. I'm from the North Park ward. I found your blog through Amy Harper's blog, and I've had fun reading your stories. :) I hope that doesn't creep you out!
That cyst was CRAZY! I didn't know they could cause so many problems during pregnancy. I had one through my entire pregnancy, but it was small (only 5 cm, I think), but it caused a LOT of pain, because my baby kicked it constantly. Still, the doctors never gave me any reason to be concerned.
My son's birth story isn't typical either, but it's ok. All of us atypical people are just more exciting. :)
This is so sweet, and you have me in tears. What a miracle!!
The gift of life is such a beautiful thing! No matter how it happens! Having done In-Vitro, I completely understand the feeling of being a failure even though you're not. It's all part of God's plan that he has for us. Thankfully he has put knowledgeable and educated people in our lives to help us through these difficult times. What a blessing it is to be able to experience these things and gain such an appreciation for the gift of life! We love you!
Thank you for sharing! I wish more women realize or are informed that a "normal" pregnancy and birth in the terms we think of it is actually less common. Life is a miracle and so many things have to go exactly right. I am amazed each day and I am so grateful to a loving Heavenly Father that allows us to care for these beautiful children.
Post a Comment