It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

I love this season.  We have really been trying to focus on the Savior and charity so the boys can understand where the spirit of Christmas really comes from.  With 4 boys in just a hair under 6 years, we have been in survival mode for so long that I think Brett and I need this season and the increased Spirit of Christ to kick in our eternal perspective.  We feel so blessed to have our four beautiful boys.  Our days are so long and our nights are spent just trying to catch up with what happened during the day.  I hope some day we will catch up.  But in the meantime I want to treasure those moments that bring us to the present for a while, and help us forget how far behind we might feel.  I can't believe how much our boys have grown.  I'll give a little highlight of each of the boys, but first this:

   

Brett and I will be celebrating our 8th anniversary at the end of the month.  It's been a long year for Brett.  He's been working long hours and frequently gets back to work after kids are in bed.  Yet, he still manages to make it through "Honey-Do" lists on Saturdays, and play time with the boys.  He volunteered to be a Dad helper at Hyrum's school for a few full days during the year, which Hyrum absolutely loves.  He also usually takes Noah to school in his truck on his way to work, which makes him so happy.  I am very grateful for this man in my life.

 Hyrum is an amazing little man.  He blows us away with his inquisitive mind.  His mind thinks beyond his age.  He comprehends math at an advanced level for a first grader.  He loves to know how things work.  During a neighborhood yard sale this summer he was ecstatic when he saw a really old computer for sale for only $1.  He was so excited to buy it with his own money and then take it apart with his Dad.  Reading hasn't come as easy for him, but it's amazing how much he has progressed in the past few months.  When school started he wasn't sure about all of the letter sounds, and not even close to reading.  He's been seeing an amazing tutor that has really been a game changer for him.  He loves his brothers, and loves helping other people.  He wrote a letter to Santa that he was happy to give to him in person.

I can't say enough about Noah.  He has quite the sassy attitude for a 4 year old.  He is full of emotion, which at times can be a little overwhelming, but it is also his greatest asset.  Sometimes he can't help but just love everything around him.  Every once in a while his cup just runs over and he can't help but share it with everyone.  He will snuggle up and tell me he loves me out of nowhere and he will start telling me other things that he loves.  Noah is very unique.  I can honestly say that everyone loves Noah, really.  He just has this charismatic, funny, magnetic personality that draws people to him.   He is also very smart.  We are asked frequently if we are sure he's only four, because he communicates and thinks more like someone years older.     

Our sweet little Owen is a special part of our family.  He's in the midst of the terrible two's of craziness, yet there is something about him that is just so pure and sweet that I can't help but have the urge to snuggle with him every minute of the day.  He is so tender with his baby brother, which is very uncharacteristic of our boys.  Emmett is our first baby to go 5 months before getting a brother induced bruise, scratch, or other injury.  Owen is his protector.  He loves holding him, talking about him, and laying next to him.  I frequently find Owen just laying next to Emmett on the floor.  They have a special bond that I hope will remain forever.  In fact, Emmett's nickname came from Owen.  We call him Baby Happy or just Happy because Owen would run to me in concern whenever Emmett was crying and plead, "Baby, Happy?" and whenever I would ask Owen what he was doing while he laid next to the baby on the carpet he would explain, "Baby, happy", as if telling me that he was there to make the baby happy.  Owen is caring, giving, and kind.  He gives hugs and kisses to his brothers when they cry or are sad, without being asked.  He is just a very sweet boy.  Owen also plays by himself and is very smart.  I was impressed that at just  barely two years old he made the connection that the Nativity and puzzle we had of the nativity matched.  All by himself he carried the puzzle over to our table and matched up the characters in a line.  There were a couple of swaps, but I was still very impressed.   

Ok, he may not like Santa all that much.  I think he kept his eyes closed because he was too scared to open them. 

And then we get to Baby Happy.  I frequently call him our angel baby, because he is by far my best baby.  Owen is still learning to sleep through the night.  It took Hyrum and Noah both about 3 years before they consistently slept  10+ hours a night.  I was ecstatic when Owen slept a 6 hour stretch when he was about 6 months old.  I've been afraid to say anything about this because I've been afraid I'll jinx it, but Emmett is . . . sleeping. . . all. . . . night! I'm talking 12 hours a night!  He's only 5 months old and thats why I call him my angel baby.  He rarely cries, sleeps through the night, eats well, is healthy, and loves his brothers.  I couldn't ask for more.  

This Christmas I'll count my blessings and find the greatest gifts I could possibly get are already mine.  (Corny, yes.  True, also yes.)

Thanksgiving 2013

I LOVE Thanksgiving!  A whole holiday dedicated to gratitude and celebrated with abundance of food!  That's my kind of holiday!  We had a great Thanksgiving.  It was a relaxing weekend for all of us. I prepared a lot of the food before Thursday so it wasn't as hectic.  I tried out a new roll recipe that was incredible and made my first pecan pie that turned out super scrumptious.  The king of the meal, however was this beautiful bird covered in bacon.  One 16 pound bird covered in butter and garlic salt, stuffed with an onion, apple, and stuffing, and than covered in bacon.  It was also laying on top of several cloves of garlic and celery.   This was by far the best Turkey I've ever eaten.  It was SO moist and flavorful.  It also made the best, most flavorful stuffing as well.  Mmmmm.  Okay, I'll stop talking about the food.

  

We invited some neighbors over for the feast and had them come after 1.  I was expecting 9 kids total, so we had some fun crafts for them to do while the food was getting ready.  They made place-mats, cut out snowflakes, and colored.  Hyrum was so excited about company coming that he made a card for each person to keep.  They were so cute.  He is so considerate of others and making people feel welcome.  

We borrowed a table from the nursery at church for the kids table.  I really loved having the table in the house for the kids to do crafts at.  I wish we could keep it:)

Here's the big kid table.  

One of our guests insisted on taking pictures.  I'm usually the one behind the camera, so here's proof that I was there.  

Hyrum takes after me.  I remember fighting over the 'drumsticks' when I was young on Thanksgiving.  He was excited to have this on his plate. 

We have so much to be grateful for.  

Fall-ing

My favorite sound that I love to hear(other than my own children laughing) is the crunching of leaves.

I love Fall.

Abnormally abnormal

Normal Me:

These are the words that I would use to describe me: content, happy, grateful, optimistic, motivated.  Sure, I have bad days, lazy days, and cranky days just like everyone else, but overall I am generally a mellow happy person.

My Alter Post-Prego Ego:

With each of my boys I've experienced baby blues.  My experience with baby blues has been off and on sadness and brief discouragement about little things that normally wouldn't affect me.  Gratefully, I recognized what was going on with my emotions and was able to cope.  Baby blues are common, and I wish that more prego women were made aware of it so that it won't come as a shock.  This is not an easy thing for me to journal about, but its a part of my mother experience that I need to remember.  A couple of months ago I started feeling those baby blues coming to me.  The discouragement and sadness was at a much deeper level than I have ever experienced.   It wasn't everyday and it wasn't even all day when it did hit.  The inconsistency was the most frustrating part about it all.  I would be totally fine one minute and then suddenly I would have to pull over on the side of the road because I would start crying and couldn't see the road.  It was usually the worst in the evening.  I was embarrassed about it and didn't want Brett to know about it, so I only talked with a few friends who I knew would understand because they've been there.  For the most part I was able to keep 'closeted crazy' in check.  After a few weeks I think I subconsciously felt like I needed a reason for the sadness, so I started thinking in absolutes. Absolutes are usually not a good idea, especially when you are not in a good mind.  Suddenly, when I would take the trash out it became: "Brett NEVER takes the trash out." (which is not true).  When someone would mention they were dropping kids off at Grandparents it became: "EVERYONE has family to help them out.  I NEVER get help from ANYONE."  (Both statement are very false)  The absolutes kept coming and frustration was growing.  There were nights where I would cry for hours.

Abnormally Abnormal:

A couple of weeks ago things came to a head and I had an emotional, verbal, teary deluge.  Up to this point Brett had no idea what was going on in my head.  How dare he not read my mind and look past my smile and keeping it together, right? (I hope you hear the sarcasm there) What I was expecting: "You're right, Stepahnie.  You have it really hard. How can I fix these horrible circumstances?"  What I got: "I really don't understand why you're saying these things. This isn't how you normally feel about . . ."  What! No sympathy? This is not what I expected at all, and it was exactly what I needed. This is why I love Brett so much.  Somehow I forgot who I was and somehow I forgot to disconnect ME from the blues that I had learned to cope with after my other births.

Fixing My Broken Crazy:

This moment I had with Brett helped me really turn things around.  I still get the blues at times, but when I do I remind myself that the sadness will pass and not to dwell on it. I have to stop and think, "Is this something normal me would think?  If this is a 'crazy me' thought than I need to stop thinking it." Oh, and for your informations; the DEFINITION OF CRAZY in this post is NOT IN CONTROL of myself.   Crazy can mean different things to different people, but for me it is lack of control.  I'm admitting an embarrassing weakness, because I love being in control.  I really don't like having little control over myself, which is why I am hesitant of a lot of medicines and supplements, because of how they alter my control, but that's a topic for another day.

Another thing that has really helped me is this beautiful quote from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf.  THIS talk really means a lot to me.  Faith can be interchanged with self worth, marriage, friends, etc. . . It really works.

Here's what I know and need to remind myself when I forget:  

I am very blessed.  I have an amazing life.  I have an amazing family that I love.  I have some awesome friends.  I love where I am in my life and where my life is headed.  Rinse and Repeat.

If you are a woman reading this and haven't experienced baby blues, just know that if you have children it may come.  Don't beat yourself up about it.  It's normal.  You are still normal. . . or at least not completely crazy:).  Baby blues are not quite the same as postpartum depression.  If the blues are to a point where they take up more of your time than the good times and it's interfering with basic function than GO SEE A DOCTOR!  We have to be humble enough to recognize when we need help from more than what we have available at home.  Our families need us and sometimes that means getting help so we can be there for them.  I know that my blues could have been much worse, and I am glad that I'm catching it now and helping myself.

The best things to do to help overcome baby blues:

  -Do something you love

  -Start a new project

  -Talk to someone about it
-See a doctor
-Make a plan every day to do something even if it's just a trip to the store

  -Doubt your negative thoughts

  -EXERCISE!

  -Eat better, it really does make a difference

  -Attempt more sleep (this one is hard to do with a baby)

  -Go on a date

  -Plan an amazing vacation and then don't actually go on one. 

       (THIS explains the last one)

  -Put on some 'happy' essential oils: Citrus Bliss, Balance, Lavender, Serenity
-Take Multi-Vitamins and Vitamin B,D, and C in addition

Halloween 2013

When we found out that Emmett would be a boy we decided that a family of 4 boys meant a family of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  It really worked out well because Hyrum's favorite color is red (Raphael) and Noah's favorite color is blue (Leonardo).  The two littlest don't have much of an opinion so they get assigned orange and purple.  When I mentioned TMNT as Halloween costumes to the boys about a month ago they were REALLY excited about it.  Then as we got closer to Halloween Hyrum decided he didn't want to do it anymore and wanted to be something scary.  By that point I had already started on the costumes.  So I had to just hope that he would come to his senses as we got closer to spook day.  Well, Halloween morning I pulled out the costumes and the boys LOVED them.  Hyrum keeps insisting that we save his costume to wear next year too.  Oh, the drama!  By night time we had a mask left at school and Owen refused to wear his, but it was still good.

Noah was the only one brave enough to sport the green hair.  It was pretty awesome!

I'm not a toy weapons fan, and we've never had them in the house before, but we decided to give in for Halloween.  They were ninja's ALL DAY long!  It was fun, and no one got hurt. 

We had an early dinner of Bloody Guts (Sloppy Joe Casserole), and slime green punch with an ice hand.  The boys loved the hand.  I also attempted some bones of meringue, but they didn't turn out.

Here's the trick-or-treating crew.  I took all the boys to invade our street and then Brett took the two older boys to do a little bit more.  It was a fun night.  I LOVE Halloween! 

Harvest

The boys have been so excited the past couple of months as they've watched our pumpkins growing in the backyard that they planted from seeds this summer.  The long vine-y plants ran out of our garden area and started taking over our grass, but we couldn't cut them back because the only pumpkins that grew from the huge plants were three beautiful pumpkins in our lawn.  So, we went with it, and our yard looked pretty scary for a while.  I was so glad that we had three grow, so that each of the boys could have their own (minus Emmett).  Hyrum's was perfectly orange.  Noah and Owens were perfectly green, but at least they were big and they loved them.  We brought them in and got carving.  You could really see Hyrum and Noah's personalities while we carved.  Hyrum wanted to make something scary, but he refused a pattern.  Instead he just started digging and cutting into the pumpkin.  We asked what he was going to make and his response was something like, "I don't know yet, we'll see what happens after I start".  Yep, that's Hyrum.  Hyrum takes after his Dad in ALMOST every way, except this was all me. :)  In fact I recall saying almost the same thing last year when I made a pumpkin.  Patterns frustrate me too.  His final pumpkin was pretty crazy but I loved it because it was creative and all his.  Noah was hesitant to pick something out to carve because everything was too scary.  After much deliberation and looking through books that afternoon he picked the sillouette of a cute kitty sitting on top of a pumpkin.  He does not like scary!  He has a very tender heart and loves everything to be rosy and cute.  He's such a sweet boy.  Owen was just excited about everything and ran around most of the time, while occasionally stabbing his pumpkin or his brothers and then running away again.  He's a funny boy.

Schedules

I have so much to be grateful for. My boys drive me crazy for reasons that should make me happy.  They love to run, explore, shout, investigate the interiors of things that should remain together, exercise their vocal chords, see things as they are and not as we have been conditioned to see them, and they are not afraid to be true to their feelings and to themselves.  I have a lot to learn from them.  I hope to have their zeal for life when I am encountered with small things easy to overlook.  I need to remember to stop being busy and notice how beautiful dust sparkles as the sun shines through our finger-printed windows.  I need to love seeing all of the dirt under their little nails that has been collected while digging for treasures, wrestling in the grass, and challenging the laws of gravity at the park.  They earned that dirt.  Being a mom is hard.  Days are busy and all of my productive time is from 8:30pm-midnight.  I've burned a lot of midnight oil lately and yet the house isn't very clean, sometimes I forget when I last gave the boys baths, my goal of making three meals a week isn't always hit, and every night when I go to sleep I have a feeling I'm forgetting something.  I know that someday I will wish for these days of snuggles and drool.  And that's why I blog.  

 (Noah wanted to try my camera.  I turned around to put something in the microwave and he took this picture.  It makes me happy.)

(Boxes are our best friends.)